The Lonely Librarian

Show us your holiday decorations.

yes, i decorate in chanukah colors, and no, i am not jewish. it's just that the blues and silvers and sparkly whites are so much prettier than red and green! plus, since i am calling them "winter decorations" instead of xmas ones, i will feel free to leave them up through January. :)

What was your major or field of study in college? Did you wind up working in that field or using that degree? If not, what field have you wound up in? 
Submitted by sneuf. 

ha! the day i decide to get back to posting, this is the QotD? too funny.

well, i had a total of six majors as an undergrad, none of which i am using today, except perhaps in bits and pieces...

1. pre-veterinary
2. wildlife ecology
3. landscape horticulture
4. advertising
5. journalism
6. mass-communications

then of course there was my first masters degree, which was in media arts/audio production, and also not being used.

finally, degree number 3 and major number 8 brought me to my current profession, library science. eight times a charm, no?

tehehehe....

hmmm... apparently blogging is a lot like going the the gym, the longer you put it off, the harder it is to get back into it. where have i been for the past three months or so? well... work has been nuts for one thing. i have a new boss, and she dissolved the position under her, and is distributing that work among the rest of us, not to mention she is hot to make a good impression, and so has been initiating projects like crazy. so yeah, there's lots of actual work to do at work...

as for home, i have been in a kind of funk all semester. dunno just why, i guess it's just a case of SAD or plain ol' depression. i tried going back on antidepressants, but i didn't love the last one i was on, and the new one i tried didn't do jack.

um, as for relationship crap, well... i have been in one. a crazy one. a frustrating one. a most-likely-pointless one. oh the tome i could write on this one... we've broken up, hmmm, let's see... at least three times in three months. i'm actually really sorry i haven't been documenting it all on here, i have no good excuse except that i have been lazy and sad.

anyway, i'm a big fan of christmas/the holidays, and i have been feeling a bit better lately (partly thanks to cheesy lifetime christmas movies), so hopefully i have broken my absent spell, and will be back to posting on a regular basis. only time will tell, but wish me luck!

i remember then he looked just like a child

though he was older than myself by quite awhile

i was sure i knew the depths of all his pain

and i could feel his sorrow running through my veins

we were the same

i sat up late with pad and pen

writing letters i would never send

and i dreamed we met in frisco in the mist

spent the evening musing then we kissed

but dreams are only dreams and then they're gone

i woke up and life - it just rolled on...

but after all these years your words still echo in my head

little prayers to keep the monsters out

that only keep them coming back instead

and maybe we're both victims of this curse

we sacrifice our body to the verse

to write the perfect words that say exactly how we feel

to take the chaos in our head and somehow make it real

well i know that you can't know a man only through his pen

and hearts are often foolish when they're looking for a friend

but after all these years his words still echo in my head

little prayers to keep the monsters out

that only kept them coming back instead

and maybe we're both victims of this curse

always searching for the shelter of the verse

forever chasing that one moment when the words have all been said

the quickly fleeting peace of soft sweet silence in your head

i try to be strong

in most my waking hours

to still the blood in my veins

to let reason reign

but tonight

i think i'll let sleep find me

lost in thoughts of you

inviting dreams i know i should not dream

your memory

so sweet and tempting at dusk

and then so empty and cold

truth exposed

in morning's harsh glare

here

in the dark

here

in my heart

i embrace the shadow

and mourn its death

in daylight

--------

4/17/00

for e from abroad

well we are foolish people

you and i

you who thinks

things could ever be simple

and me

for believing in love

i walk these foreign streets

you on my mind

and in my heart

i give to you these ancient buildings

bridges

statues

(cold and grey)

the boundless sea

while you smile upon

some familiar

pretty face

and that which bound us

so beautiful in my head

turns to dust

so much rubbish

in the empty corners

of alien lands

i'm about to get real self-indulgent on yo ass. consider yourself warned.

sooooo... i have about a million notebooks of my inane babbling (mostly in quasi-poetic format) and it occured to me the other day that it is currently my general policy to post my rambling here on the interwebz for all the world to see, read, mock and/or incur pity for me. so i think i am going to start posting some of that stuff.

i'm taking a song-writing class in the fall, so i think this will be good practice for putting some more personal, creative-type stuff out there and getting used to being so exposed. plus it's good insight to the wacky workings of my mind, in case anyone should feel so inclined to peek behind the curtain. i doubt there's a large audience for that show, but hey, what the hell, right? right.

When has your first impression of someone turned out to be completely wrong? 
Submitted by Mana'olana.  

um, pretty much only any time i've met anyone, ever.

apparently i'm a bad judge of character...

well, it's official, i am definitely living in crazy-land. i'm pretty sure in retrospect i see where i made the wrong turn that ended up landing me here, but hey, hindsight is 20:20 right?

so after the drama of last weekend, i was just starting to talk to my friend again (i ended up getting his side of the story from another friend of mine, which considerably mellowed out my anger) when i was informed that apparently now HE is mad at ME, because i told his girlfriend he cheated on her. now, nevermind the fact that i did not actually do such a thing (nor do i even have her contact info, nor did i even know that he cheated on her [i still don't even know if he did or if he's just accusing me of saying he did, nor do i care overmuch, it's really none of my business], nor would i have ever done such a thing even if i did know he cheated and had her contact info...)

wow, that was a run-on sentence with a lot of nors and italics in it, no?

aaaanyway... so today i get a rant on myspace from one of his friends, that i can only assume is over this whole fiasco, and i am left to ponder the fact that not only am i the one who got treated like crap in the first place, but now i am being harassed and people are mad at me. super. and the funny thing is, other than the bickering that took place between me and the guy i was seeing, i tried really hard the whole time to take the high road. i didn't resort to yelling, or personal attacks. i was just hurt, and was trying to lay low and keep my mouth shut til the anger passed.

so, yeah. crazy-land. the place where nothing really makes sense and no one attempts to think logically, rationally, or in any way with their brain. i can only imagine the collective "DUH" uttered by anyone reading this when i say i should probably remove these people from my life altogether and move on. point taken. finally.